Funny Halloween QuotesHalloween Quotes

Top 4 Funny Halloween Quotes 2019 !!!

Dandy as candy, slick as a trick, sweet as a treat. Funny Halloween quotes that won’t stick to your teeth or turn you into a diabetic. You’ll be howling like a werewolf.


Funny Halloween Quotes

Last Halloween was bad for me. I got beat up. I went to a party dressed as a piñata.
– Jim Samuels

I learned something the other day. I learned that Jehovah’s Witnesses do not celebrate Halloween. I guess they don’t like strangers going up to their door and annoying them.
– Bruce Clark

I love Halloween. It’s the only night of the year I can wear a wedding dress without looking desperate.
– Adam ‏@AdamofAlbion 

Hairstylist: Gonna wear a costume for Halloween? Me: (Looking at my new haircut in the mirror) Probably something with a hood.
– John Lyon ‏@JohnLyonTweets

These masked trick-or-treaters must be confused. They’re a day early, came in the back door, passed up the candy & took the big screen TV.
Just Bill ‏@WilliamAder

halloween decorations

Funny Halloween Quotes  Group 2

Funny Halloween Quotes

I like to get my candy early for Halloween so I have plenty of time to buy more when I eat the first bag.
– Molly ‏@SleepingSuspect

If I’m lazy and I can’t come up with a costume, I would just wear a slip and write ‘Freudian’ on it.
– Julia Stiles

If you’re in Alabama, don’t dress up as a nun, priest or rabbi for Halloween. Impersonating “a minister of any religion” is punishable by fine or jail.
– Nina Vizcarrondo, in Time

Funny Halloween Quotes

When I was 12, I went as my mother for Halloween. I put on a pair of heels, went door to door, and criticized what everyone else was wearing.
– Robin Bach

I awaken in the Halloween aftermath.     Bed covered in candy wrappers. Looking down at my chocolate smeared hands I whisper, “What have I done?”
– Reverend Scott ‏@Reverend_Scott

Funny Halloween Quotes

It’s that wonderful time of year again when the spiderwebs I’ve been too lazy to clean become functional decorations.
– Andy H. ‏@AndyAsAdjective

Funny Halloween Quotes

Funny Halloween Quotes Group 3

I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is. Scaring men is easy.
– Donna Macabre ‏@Donna_McCoy 

Instead of buying a Halloween costume it was cheaper just to get a haircut at Great Clips.
– Northside Hombre ‏@Northside_Mike 

Got home, opened the bedroom closet door and a naked guy shrieked at me. Wow, my wife has some pretty crazy Halloween pranks up her sleeve.
– Brian Hope ‏@Brianhopecomedy 

Funny Halloween Quotes

A Fargo woman will give overweight trick-or-treaters warning letters, not candy. In other news, a woman’s house will be egged by fat kids.
– Julius Sharpe ‏@juliussharpe

Honey. I didn’t *lose* our kid on Halloween, he just went as the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle and I can’t know exactly where he is.
– Earthman Adam ‏@AdamOfEarth

Funny Halloween Quotes

Funny Halloween Quotes Group 4

When I was a kid my parents always sent me out as a tramp: high-heel shoes, fishnet stockings…
– David Letterman

This year I’m the Invisible Man for Halloween, according to this bartender that apparently hasn’t seen me standing here for an hour.
– Terry F @daemonic3 

Boss: “I thought I said no costumes this week.”
Me: “These are my clothes.”
– Just Bill @WilliamAder

Funny Halloween Quotes

I put a box of Halloween candy on the top shelf of our cupboard and then watched my 3 years old become an architect.
– Brian Hope ‏@Brianhopecomedy

Aren’t we clever, making the kids go door to door collecting candy for us?
– snow job ‏@canadasandra 

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